suffering for my sanity

helloooo live journal

well its october first and i feel great the house is clean my room is spotless so im playing guitar and doing all my tweaking im so excited! plus we got a pa system the other day just 450 dollars to practicing freedom!!!!

Current Music: you only live once

well i in findlay ohio its pretty fun i got really drunk last night fun times im going to get really drunk tonight when i get back to jersey im going to quit smoking once AND FOR ALL

well events and stuff i've been working alot i got to do alot of writing and alot of guitar playing im experiencing some difficulty with life though but im planing on going to school and im really excited to go to ohio to see carolyn i think she has a little crush on me hopefully because i have a crush on her so that'll be great if that works out but if it doesent ill just unruley drink alot and all that good stuff well in other news im pretty trashed right now i've been trashed all day but its all good after i update i think ill write a song hopefully we'll get famous and stuff we changed our lineup now anthony is our new guitarist and nat is singing and steven is gunna be playing the bass so its going to work out anyway im tired


goodnight sawdust.

well theres abit much to update but not much twice this month wow man im going for a record my mom caught me red handed smoking a cig outside so that was a bit of a fuss but not too much shes thinks im really upset about something i know i am but i just dont know what yet but bullocks why do i get caught right on my last pack and i really was going to quit too well now i haveto just to keep her happy and content so if that works for her ill do it.

man i've been writing so much lately and smoking alot high on life all 2 weeks which is not cool but i still go through it sometimes i miss the old me way too much i just want to take those years back you know the years where i was a big nerdy pile o' panzy and very dull also you know i liked getting picked on in the back of the classroom makes me feel better to not fit in than be in the crowd because the crowd sucks and all the people in it.


well im going on a break from my job and life i think im going to travel or stay with my dad i dont know yet i just know i need to get away from civilization thats why my mum thinks im so depressed but idk i just need to live in a cabin somewhere far away no heat no electricity just me and my guitar and a notebook.


right now though im listening to chet atkins and i feel kinda happy with myself for the moment i guess i have to work tommrow i really dont feel like going i think i'll call out maybe hopefully probaly not but anyways im going to sleep.



ok...........now im done.

Current Location: living room
Current Music: chet atkins i'll see you in my dreams

well i belive its raining all over the world.



i've been doing alot of stuff lately nothing really intersting to update about my uncle duck just died this/last month it hurts a bit but if i keep up with mentality on life and death i'll be fine i've been listening to alot of soul music lately its real good stuff and it makes me think about life what will i be in the next couple of years who will i be in the next couple of years what if i die who knows i even wonder sometimes who would show up to my big funeral



who knows.

well the feast was pretty cool

friday got to newark around five hung out with steve horror and talked about starting a band a freaking nother band!!! woot then i saw jenn with the baby oh man i swear cayden is going to the next hendrix cant wait till that kid gets older hes so awesome oh and paco was there and he wants to start one too so im getting my shed togther wich will be done by july hopefully a new place tto practice im ivesting way to much money in music but i dont care i got a new guitar comming my way and a drum set woot anyway i go to the feast meet up with everybody drink alot and urmm yea saw the other jenn which was pretty cool and uh we hung out and stuff not all i expected but still i didnt really care

then saturday i got shitfaced lots of vodka ended up writing jenn a text message saying i liked her alot i read it the next day and was like nooo i did not just write that. oh well who cares its all cool though she'll probaly just thing im fucking wierd welp enough updating time to clean my house

Current Music: bobby womack

its early morning and im stoned like really gone.


i have to work in the morning

this blows but it was cool hanging out with rox and mr brooks.

two of the greatest people in the world

or atleast i feel that way about them

oh btw the chop feast is comming up i already have jamican rum to start oh joy

it'll be amazing just to get wasted with friends from newark again i kinda miss those fuckkkkkkkerrrrrrrssssss


anyway good night world

Current Location: home now
Current Mood: high
Current Music: johnny mathis chances are

yea i said that yesterday to mr brooks he said "man thats deep" i said "yea i know im kinda like that all the time"

well ive lost weight a good but scary amount in the past four days i went from 238 down to 225.6 thats 13 pounds kiddo in less than a week im freaking out but im not hungry i dont know whats wrong with me but on an even brighter note i've been writing alot lately like alot somehow im inspired but by what i dont know

seems like a blur this month went by so quickly im in such heartache im so confused so many mixed feelings to so many people cigarettes are quickly becoming a friend of mine


i dont want to live this way

i need help.


a real cry for help

please.

i have to be at work at 8:45 tommrow morning i really need to get some sleep i went outside to breathe for 20 minutes and cry a little i dont know whats wrong with me i seroiusly dont i have problems with everything band relationships people


im rambeling


night.

well i havent gotten alot of sleep my brother and sis are fighting over the tv and its been raining all day this reallly sucks for me cuse my basment is flooded and had to mop until about 12 am sucks man anyway


work was pretty decent i guess nothing really exciting my federal tax check should be coming in soon so that means money in the bank almost 1000 dollars woot anybody want dinner im buying! ha

one thing i need to do with this money is buy a amp head http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/Epiphone-Triggerman-100H-DSP-Solid-State-Guitar-Amplifier-Head?sku=480266
what a great piece of equipment i mean wow and the rest of the money is going to the bank i guess

no more new guitars for a while and im finally moving out the house

im not too excited though its just something that keeps me wanting to stay living with my mum

but then on the other hand i need to grow the fuck up. sorry.

end

Current Music: precipitate, interpol

welp i got my internet back finally after almost a month without it those douche bags at comcast sure know how to fuck you ober

well i've been having alot of strange dreams lately about the past mostly i mean these 2 years have gone by so fast since ive been out of highschool and you know what i feel like i havent gotten anything done
and it kills me inside a co worker at my job named roxanne grabbed my palm and kinda read my hand (even though i dont go for that stuff) but she said you have side were you really dislike yourself pretty much hate myself and i think she might be right only because time goes by so fast and i feel like im wasting days and i really need to get shit done but it just seems like nothing is really inspiring me to do anything and im fearing im just going to like the average life im just sick of being confined to this fucking room.

and thats how i feel about that


on a brighter subject.


i got to meet katey for the first time my friend melissa's sister she kinda wants me and her to hook up but im just looking for a gf and she kinda looks like the girlfriend type i mean well atleast f or the time i got to talk to her but shes really cute i mean not like woah hotness and lust and stuff no i think i look at women in a different sense now like its not about sex and maybe if im able to pull it off ill be getting a relationship outta this.



on a kinda decent subject.

i finally got some of my insparation back guitar wise i mean i write tons of lyrics just not alot of riffs wich i need to be doing but i need to be a bit better in guitar like i have tons of books (which i dont study) i think im acutally going to start trying it out i cant wait to play another show i mean im just so pysched but about my band members i think that all of us need to grow up cuse we need to get alot of shit done and i just feel like none of its getting done
but hopefully it all works out i mean if it doesent i have other projects and a varity of people who would like to work with me so i guess that"ll work


plus i wanna give guitar lessons again so if anyone would like to learn or just have a jam session just gimme a ring and im not like other touters i dont charge in my personal opionon is that teaching should be free knowledge is power kiddies!



end,

Current Music: the boy who blocked his own shot , brand new

its ten thirty in the morning and feel like fucking puking

hrmm just getting back from band practice and i gotta ipod and a creative labs mp3 player how awesome and they both need to be fixed so i guess i know what im doing this weekend fixing! lol and on a better note (ha notes refering to music) <(^_^)> my bands doing GREAT! im so happy with them i wrote 3 songs over the past month and we didnt get to practice till today but instead of it being shitty all 3 songs we made fucking amazing im talking bout amazing!

3 new ones

1 plain jane: i was on a plane to california when i wrote this song it was like i was on a plain and i was listening to janes addiction and BAM! new song so thats cool

2 falling up: damaris"s song thats about that with a couple corrections sylble wise

3 unknown: i was bored so i wrote a song the chourus goes like this faces turn fires burn and theres nothing you can do about it

well on another better note (ha i did it again) work is ok i guess i seem to be working a lot nowadays its like my life is songwriting and barnes thats it no time for friends anymore its seems like im growing apart i need to take a very very very very long vacation very very very very far away but with all the cool people at work somedays are like a vacation and thanks to mari some days its quite fun to go to work.


and on another note(hahah i did it again) hrmm the girlfriend issue im always complaining but in all my efforts i still i havent found that one girl who will make the lovely song of piero umiliani ring throught my head but i guess ill just take the advice that everybody else gives me is to wait you'll find someone eventually ha like when im 40 hahah yea but i just need to move far away to find someone who enjoys a laugh sometime or sumthing like that

why the hell am i writing so much today damn
crazy

welp im going to sleep



jesse

Current Location: home
Current Music: crepuscolo sul mare-piero umilani

hrmmmm why do i keep going after all the girls who have mental problems

example one: jessica conner: thought she liked me and all that good stuff all was going wll then i see her today and BAM!!! mental problems totally turns into a differnt person i just dont get women ....

but on a better note i have saturday off so space academy fans we'll be playing in new york woot for that anyway im listening to sum great music tonight its called the sea and cake such great post rock


welp imma study sum and sleep


goodnight

world



jess

Current Music: the sea and cake qui?

hello live journal.



life has been one hell of a journey i tell starting a band right after highschool and working at barnes and noble i have discovered alot of this throught the past two years but there will def be update about life just wait and see





jess

Current Music: minor detail sondre lerche

hey everbody i havent updated since april fucking april not much has happend to me during this period of time jus met new people graduated from hs and im starting college in january union county woot woot anyway me,aj,anthony,aymann,and jackie started a band first cover were doing is from weezer undone (the sweater song) woot its gunna be freaking awsome well thats about it



its snowing outside






l8er

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: clapton

i havent updated in a while but i think im going to get rid of this livejournal thing because nobody comment or thinks i exist on this thing

welll i havent updating since last year i think? the same old stuff has been happening oh wait sumthing new my parents are getting a divorce so its sucks but u jus gotta get used to these things thats what i keep telling myself but its sum hard emotional shit ona nother subject school has been alright i still have no date for prom its snowing now im hoping that we have no shcool tommorow.



end.




jesse

Current Mood: aggravated

well its friday and pretty much things are going shitty for me this is the worst week ever my cell phone is lost because this kid named anthony lost it that bastred plus i have to take the SAT tomolo holy crap its gunna suck i hope i pass



end.


jesse